Again, dating a person with depression is challenging. Before you start a relationship with a clinically depressed individual, make sure that you are up for the challenge. As Birkel explains, when you take good care of yourself, it allows you to be more patient with your partner, without feeling responsibility for the depression. ”This is moving into acceptance of the depression and letting go of something that person can’t control,” he says. ”It looks like coming from a place of confidence that they are a good partner, not doing anything wrong. From this place they can offer understanding and support.”
That may not be a sign that they are bored with you, they may be depressed. Telling someone with depression they need to get better or x, y, or z will happen is not a pathway for them to feel better. More likely, it will add anxiety into the mix and make things worse. Don’t tell your partner what they’re doing wrong and how a few simple changes like exercising more, eating better, or getting fresh air will make things better. Those things may indeed help, but they aren’t likely to fix things. This can be challenging no matter how close you are, but if you’re still in the get-to-know-you phase of a relationship, it can particularly difficult.
Instead of trying to refute their negative thoughts, try validating their feelings without agreeing. Then gently draw their attention to their strengths and positive traits. I have been in a relationship with someone whose depression was made worse by her being in a relationship.
Because of this, the duty of prioritizing yourself is something that you must never forget. This is a no-brainer for any relationship, but it’s of particular importance when depression may be keeping one partner from being fully honest. “When your partner’s not happy, you feel a lot of things too, whether that’s, ‘What am I doing wrong? I do so much for them.’ Try to remember that when it comes to depression, it’s not about you, per se.
Calling them lazy for not cleaning or completing tasks will only worsen their depression and feeling of self-worth. Instead, try encouraging them or even offering to help them with these tasks and complete them alongside them. Assure them that it’s okay to not be okay, but that you will be there with them through it, to help them pull through. Don’t ask questions, because chances are they won’t want to answer them. This means recognizing negative features of a relationship, then taking action if you notice them occurring with your partner.
I say this as someone who is diagnosed with dysthymia, and depression is definitely a third person in some aspect. Sometimes, a relationship can help someone with depression. But very often it doesn’t, and in fact can make things worse.
Because depression can lead to feelings of detachment, you might feel like your partner is starting to lose interest. If that happens, don’t just accept it as the new normal without checking in with your partner. ”You have a certain intimacy that comes from addressing the fact that there’s a loss of intimacy.” If your loved one is living with depression, they may need professional help.
Getting frustrated doesn’t make you selfish
Remember that depression can look different from person to person. If you’re in a relationship with someone who has depression, knowing how best to support them can be hard. It can also make dating, which is tricky enough, even more complex and take a serious toll on the relationship you’re establishing and growing.
TREATING CLINICAL DEPRESSION
If you’ve met someone who makes you feel better, improves your life and helps you to minimize the effects of your depression, value them. It’s up to you to choose how much to disclose to your partner. You can let them know that you’ve struggled with depression for a certain amount of time, or simply tell them that you’ve previously been diagnosed with a form of depression. Start by letting your partner know that they’re important to you, and that you want them to know about your personal history. Instead, focus on getting to know the person you’re with and working out if the two of you are compatible with each other.
Or perhaps it’s helping a father navigate the loss of a child and thoughts of “there’s no point in living”. It may not feel that way and the road to recovery definitely won’t be easy, but this doesn’t make it any less true. For the purposes of this blog, we’re going to cover clinical depression more deeply. But ultimately you’ll discover below that the way you’d respond and treat clinical depression bears similarities to the other forms of depression. But for some, depression isn’t just a circumstantial event or a seasonal downturn that happens with the changing of the weather . It is a diagnosable condition known as Major Depression Disorder or Clinical Depression.
Depression (major depressive disorder)
It’s important for a partner to be in touch with their own emotions, not just yours, so they can take care of themselves and ask for what they need as well. Deborah Courtney is a licensed psychotherapist with a private practice in New York. She integrates evidence-based, trauma-informed treatments with spiritual healing approaches to honor the connection between mind, body and spirit.
Almost without a doubt, depression will put a strain on the strongest of couples. But it doesn’t have to be the downfall of your relationship, and you can make it work with acceptance, compassion, and your own attention to self-care. As the two of you figure out what changes can be made to help alleviate hookupranking some of the depressive symptoms, be patient and understanding, with them and yourself. It’s important to note that someone with depression should not be seeking a therapist in their partner. Encourage them to get help, whether through support groups, a therapist or psychologist, or even a life coach.